A Letter To My 20 Year Old Self

Hi 20 Year Old Amelia, 

I was sitting in my house yesterday when it hit me how much has changed over the past 5 years. When I was 20, I had so many thoughts about how things would be when I was 25, but I didn't expect it to be half of what it is.

When you are 20, you are still so young and new to the world of adulthood. Five years ago I was working at the camp in the summer and making ends meet throughout the winter months. I lived in Riverfront as I went to school. My roommate at the time was Tanisha and Mindu. I was single and I tried to not let it bother me even though it did.

Its funny how the problems of one time tend to solve themselves as you push through. College was an interesting time in my life. I was out on my own and learning the world slowly on my own terms. I think I was more stressed than I needed to be at the time because I wanted everything to be perfect.

But one thing that I wish I could say to myself is that life just isn't perfect sometimes. Some jobs were not meant to be at certain times but later would become something that you enjoyed and have fond memories of. You WILL be an RA in time, you just have to keep applying. You just weren't quite ready yet (and trust me, being able to celebrate your 21st birthday not as an RA was a blessing in disguise). 

Don't give up on love. I know that at this time, you don't think that there is anyone out there who will love you and want to be with you. You are self conscious of your body and just don't see all the beautiful things there are about you. Don't worry though, the person you find is right in front of you, you just have to ask him. Spoiler alert: once you do, you will go on to marry him in September 2016!

And don't give up on your dreams. You want to have a house and a job and be successful. You will achieve all these things if you do what you always do and put your mind to it. You will get your degree, don't be too hard on yourself right now. You will find that job, just keep applying. Remember to tell yourself that the worst they can say is no, but don't give up. Things have come to you when you needed them and that will continue. You will find that job upon graduation and it will be with a company that you will still be working for 3 years later and one that you see a long term career with. You will find something you love that at the end of the day you feel fulfilled because you made a difference. You will find a company that shares your beliefs and morals.

And don't give up on that little house with the fence and the dog and cat. That was a dream that you held on to for such a long time and you were able to make it a reality before your 26th birthday. You now have a house, with a fence. A dog that you love and a cat that loves you, even if she doesn't always show it. You have a kitchen with the window over the sink, just like your mother always wanted. And a backyard where your dog can run and play (and someday your children will play there too). 

All the things you went through before now and will go through in the next 5 years all led up to this happiness. It may seem so far off, but 5 years is so short. You will lose friends and make friends. You will have some strained relationships that will come back in time. You will have some really painful things come up and you will get through. You will grieve losses but you will have so many more triumphs that will bring smiles and joy. You will make your life be beautiful in its own way and learn from so many lessons along the way. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just be you.

And this is where I leave you. Go out there and do all the amazing things that you have done in the past 5 years. There will be even more excitement to in my next 5, 10, 20, 50 years. Don't be too hard on yourself when everything isn't perfect. You are perfect. You are smart. You are beautiful- it just took you some time to realize it. :)

-25 year old Amelia 

Graduation

This weighed heavy on my mind last night. As I was trying to bust out a term paper for my Crisis Intervention class, I sat there and remembered why I was staying up until 4am to finish it for.

Because in under 6 months time, I'll be a college graduate. I'll have culminated the last 5 years of my life in a ceremony where I can finally say, "I did it!"

But last night, I found myself laughing because I have spent the last 5 years of my life...for a piece of paper. This paper shows that I paid out the nose to get education. But I laughed, because I have spent the last five years for a paper.

But what does this paper mean to me? It's interesting, looking back, at the changes that I have gone through in the past 5 years. I am 100% not the same Amelia who graduated from Lapeer East High School on June 6, 2008.

This was on my last of high school, I'm with my friends Katrina, Courtney and Sarah.

In the past 5 years, I have moved 6 times. By the time I graduate in May, I'll be working on my 7th move (and hopefully the last one for a little while). When I turned 18, I moved out of home and into an apartment in Charter Oaks. That year was a year of big change. Some of my friends left me, others stayed and I even met some new ones.

Fall 2008 brought about new experiences in life. For once, I had control over what I wanted to do for most of the day. I drove myself to and from school and could do what I want when I was there. I could go out to eat where I wanted to. I could try new things. But I didn't try too much because I was well...scared! Everything was so big to me then. I had the ability try many things. But I didn't.

Fall 2009

Zach, Shannon and I in fall 2009.

Staying in Charter Oaks for another year, this was the year I also lost someone that I loved dearly. This was the year that I realized that Music Education was just not for me. I didn't go back for performance classes but changed last minute to nursing classes. I remember struggling through Anatomy and Physiology among other classes. Life was difficult.

But this was the year that I really got close to a couple of the friends that I spend so much time with not, Abijah and Tanisha. These two lovely ladies came into my life at the beginning of Freshman year, but it wasn't until my 2nd year at the university that I actually got to know them. I am so glad I did, as I love these two dearly!

Tanisha and Abijah in 2010

The summer after this year was the summer I began working at The Fowler Center for Outdoor Education. This eye opening summer brought new experiences with campers that I would have never met anywhere else. Cabin 4, the pirate cabin, was the best of course, and it was just an amazing summer. I made some amazing friends that summer.

Fall 2010

Fall 2010, from the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 1 premiere

This was when a change needed to happen. Charter Oaks was always rough for me. For one, it had many memories. I lost some good friends while living there, and I spent a lot of time to myself in that apartment. It was time to move out of the walls that held so many memories. So, I moved to campus. Okay, maybe not on campus but close to it. In Fall 2010, I moved to Riverfront Residence Hall, my current residence. Who knew that living here would open up so many opportunities for me and shape me into a better person? Tanisha also joined me as we moved into 1104, our first apartment. It was a 3 bedroom and we didn't meet the last roommate until a few days after we moved in. Mindu would come to be one of our favorite people!

Mindu and Abijah :)

1104 will always hold wonderful memories of amazing nights with friends and laughter. That was also the year that I decided that I just wasn't going to make it in Nursing and officially switched my major to Psychology, my final major. I learned that if I took one class, I would have a minor in medicine...so I took it, but that was the last "science" class I would step into. (I have the ""'s because some would argue, like me, that psychology is a science, just in a different way.) I was finding my niche in the world and it felt amazing. 

2011 began with a bang, while I joined some friends in Luna's basement for some fun times. Earlier in that year, I learned about the death of my father, a week of my life that would show me just how strong I was dealing with certain situations. I also got my first tattoo (and currently only one) with my cousin that year. In summer 2011, I went back to TFC for almost the whole entire summer, but ended it with some time with friends in Saginaw.

Fall 2011

Welcome Back Picnic 2011

Fall 2011, and my 4th year at UM-Flint came and I was excited to be moving back to Riverfront and to see my "Flint friends" again. In August, I began work at Riverfront at the front desk. I got to meet so many more people who live in the building through my work at the desk. Some would stop by and have a chat every so often and it was a lot of fun.

Tanisha, Mindu and I were now living in 512 which was exciting because it was a much larger apartment. In October, I turned 21 and held a wonderful party full of friends (and family because Molly was there). THAT was a fun night! This was really the year that I stretched the bounds of my freedom. Sometimes you have the ability to do things, but you don't really do them. In my 4th year, I finally realized just how much I could do and how much I could really enjoy life. So I would take trips out to see Molly in Lansing almost once a month, I went out on the town on Thursday nights, I met new people, I tried new things. I embraced the life that I was given and learned to enjoy every second of it.

And it was an enlightening experience. Because of my new lease on life in 2011, I got to know one special guy that I had known for awhile, but never really got to know. Kevin. Kevin and I met in fall 2010. We had a Nursing class together...back when I WAS a nursing major. We were actually in the same group for our big project because our last names were close (and the teacher assigned them by last name). Through that time, I never really got to know him, but he was there. Abijah knew him through ITS so we invited him to parties and he always made me laugh. He was invited to my birthday party and came to bring some major entertainment. Later in 2011 for my Christmas party, we finally sealed the deal and began dating. This upcoming Monday will be our one year of being together. I ended my 2011 with a new relationship and some amazing memories.

Fun times with friends old and new :)

I started 2012 with new ideas with how I wanted to run my life. I faced some demons that I had been haunting me for years. I basically pushed some people out of my life that I sometimes regret pushing, but it happened. But I also welcomed the renewing of relationships some old and some that I never thought would be possible. I added another set of people to my friend group through the addition of Zac Sanborn, someone who opened my eyes up to many new things. 

The summer after this year, I gained a new job experience that I have had much enjoyment out of these past few months. I became an RA! Sara was in need of someone, and I had applied before, so after the interview process, I was hired. In June, I began my work as a mentor and friend to many different students all over the building.

Fall 2012

Molly and I on Shopping day!

Fall 2012 has been an interesting experience, one that has dealt with the balance of life. At the beginning of my college experience, I felt like I did nothing. Because I didn't do anything. I spent a lot of time at home, just sitting. Looking back on that time now, it was so much easier. These past few months I have had to schedule anything. There have been days that I would have loved to actually just sit at home and be lazy, but I just don't have the time! Between working 2 jobs, as an RA and front desk worker, full time at school (which has been difficult because I am taking harder classes in order to graduate) and time with friends, my life has been chaotic lately. But I love it, all of it.

As I look forward, in the next week I will finish exams for fall 2012 and begin another year here in a couple weeks. This next year brings graduation in May, a date that I am anticipating and scared of at the same time. May 5th, 2013 will release me from the chapter of my life that I have been safely in for 5 years. I will be out there to the world and well...all of it's unknown ways. That piece of paper they hand me on this day will include all that I have talked about and remembered. It will show that I have worked my butt off for a small slip of paper that will take me farther than I could ever imagine.

It's interesting what life does to people. It's interesting how my journey to get to May 5th has had many twists and turns along the way and how much work it would take to get there. The journey of life is a beautiful thing, and has so many lessons ans triumphs along the way. But it's here...and that is just crazy to me.

Enjoy some of my favorite moments from the past few years: