Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Busy Bee and Other Thoughts

Ah life has been busy as of late, not that it isn't always busy, but there are some days where I just don't feel that I can catch a breath. The semester is winding down, I'm trying to keep myself motivated to finish strong and not give in to my bed that is saying that I don't spend enough time in it, my immune system is kicking it in high gear to keep me from getting sick with the stress. Oh life...

But a lot of the busyness has been fun! Last Thursday evening, Zac, Hoffa and I went to Oakland to see Guida. I hadn't seen him since December and well...I missed him. I remember times when I saw him almost everyday and summers when I saw him often. I missed my Guida hugs and just talking to him about music things that he understands. We went out to Steak N Shake which was quite wonderful. I had a yummy strawberry banana shake and such. Then we went and walked around Great Lakes Crossing. It's a mile all around, and well, after the meal, it was nice getting a walk in. Then we just hung and talked for awhile before taking Guida back to Oakland.

After that, we grabbed Luna in Lapeer and had some Timmie Ho's. Jessica came to join us. We had wonderful conversation, many laughs AND we met the book lady that always sits in there reading when we are there. Her name is Jill and she is one of the owners of the Bookshelf in Lapeer, a new/used bookstore that has been there for many years!

You can see "The Book Lady" aka Jill in the background lol
I had Friday off so I slept verrrryyyy late (which is what I needed) and when Kevin got out of work at 5, he took me over to his house. He had moved recently and I hadn't seen his new house. He is now country folk lol! He moved from being in the city all his life to a house on a dirt road. It makes me laugh at the things he and his parents don't know about living on a dirt road, including the grating and the dust treatments. And how to drive on a back road. OH MY! Don't even get me started. I just hope that Kevin learns before something happens!

Anyway, we had a wonderful dinner. I got to spend time with his dad again (for the 2nd time ever...since he is normally working when I go over for dinner. He works 2nd shift). They invited me over for dinner on Saturday, even though Kevin wasn't going to be there. You know your boyfriend's parents approve when you are invited over when he isn't there!

That night we went out to Theta Chi, a fraternity, for a Luau party. That is always a wonderful time. We followed that with some Mega for some breakfast. 

Saturday morning I had to work, then I headed out to Kevin's house. It has been decided that: a) my car is cooler than Kevin's and b) that I am on babysitting duty when his parents 25th wedding anniversary comes up in June. They put me in charge since they don't trust Kevin :P!

Sunday I went to meet more of Kevin's extended family at his Aunt's house in Clio. I laughed because most of them were like, "and you must be Amelia." While they couldn't remember some family member's names that have been around, they knew mine when they never met me. I guess Kevin having a girlfriend is news, but it was nice meeting them. There was an epic Easter Egg Hunt (633 eggs!), and a silly string fight. After the party, Kevin and I went to see Titanic in 3D in Grand Blanc. I totally noticed things I never noticed before (including how bad the acting truly is causing me to laugh at times that I shouldn't have.) 

Other thoughts...

Remember this, watch how you portray your thoughts in your face during conversation. Most conversational cues are taken from physical expression not what is said. This is why the written word needs to be so detailed. To understand a situation, you also need to understand the expression used on the face. This being said, you may not portray through words an opinion on someone, but your eyes, mouth and other cues may give another impression to those you are speaking with. Such as pity, you can say one thing, but with the look on your face, it may be taken as pity. Or guilt, or sadness. These expressions are complicated but easily understood, even when the words you are saying are not expressing that. As someone who has studied the psychological arts (including the work of Paul Eckman for several months), I understand facial cues on a different level than some. I don't want to be seen as conceited by saying that, I am just stating that I can read more into conversations than others (which always makes life much more interesting).

Also know that the whole story should be known. I understand that I pointed some fingers that shouldn't have been pointed, but I have also noticed how different the "story" is from each party. I will say this, I was wrong with how I wrote that out. I was angry, and as one family member said, "I brought people down in my healing process." Sometimes when things build up, you need to get them out. I am not ashamed in what I wrote, I am not going to rescind it but I will apologize for the strong feelings I made you all feel. To the aunt that cried, to the aunt that got angry and cast me off, to the aunt that thinks I've gone crazy, I apologize for making you feel those things. I do not apologize for what I said. I think we all need to take away from this that the "story" is not clear still, as differing parties have different views of how it all went. 

I will also state that there were times when I was young and you were trying to protect me from the world. I understand now you were protecting me. But now I don't need to be protected per se. I need to know what really happened. I should have approached the subject in this matter, but I didn't. And it made people upset. That's life, it happens. Maybe someday, far down the road, we'll all come to an understanding that it all needed to be let out, to no longer eat away at my heart and mind and cloud everything. I am thinking much more clear about life, and my future. It was part of my healing process and I know that to some, it was wrong. To some, it was a long time coming. To others, it was daring and needed. Yes, I brought others down in flames with me, there were better ways to go about it, but at the same time, you listened. You reacted. For once, it wasn't all ignored and swept to the side. I understand that I won't be going to the Tubing Bash, I won't be welcomed at certain homes for holidays, that I burned bridges. I will deal with that as it comes. I will make my own traditions, I will still lead my life in whatever manner comes. When my times comes, everything that has been said and done will be between me and God.

I did say at the beginning of the year that 2012 was going to be a year of change. And well, it is beginning. I am no longer angry, with any of you. I just want you to know that. Maybe in the future, we can wipe the slate clean, I'll agree to not judge you on past transgressions is you promise to do the same. For now, I don't see that in the near future. I don't even think any of you are reading this right now. 

For now I'll aim towards this:
  • Classes ending next Monday
  • 2 papers, 2 finals, and 2 performances at Commencement before summer
  • Moving to 317
  • Enjoying my summer with friends and Kevin as much as I can.
  • Finding another job
  • Living life
  • Getting everything set in stone to finish my last year at UM-Flint and graduating next April/May

1. Famous Last Words- My Chemical Romance
2. Open Up Your Eyes- Daughtry
3. Never Too Late- Three Days Grace
4. The Dance- Garth Brooks
5. Dig- Incubus
6. Declaration- David Cook
7. Whiskey Lullabye- Allison Krauss/Brad Paisley
8. White Blank Page- Mumford & Sons
9. Dreaming With A Broken Heart- John Mayer

Another photo for good measure. I love these girls!

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