And I had moments of doubt. The past week has just been pretty blah with the things happening in my life, the calls to lawyers (Thank GOD that I am finally sorting out some of my past mistakes), the things I have been finding out about family, being in and out of feeling ill and the fact that I had all these papers and tests to do. It has been a hellish time getting through exams. I'm gonna admit, I thought about quitting it all and joining the circus. I could be an acrobat right? RIGHT?
Okay, so maybe not that drastic, but I did at one point ponder what would happen if I just never left my bed. This is what I came up with:
A) I would lose my job...and inversely the little income I DO have coming in to help me get by. Without that, I may just have to do things I am no proud of to be able to live.
B) Fail classes. And then I probably wouldn't go back if I just quit and so I would never graduate and it would spiral out of control to where I have no job...see A.
So I decided, this wasn't the best option. So I got up, put that Amelia smile back on and went on with my day. It doesn't mean that I haven't had days where I was all over the place. OH MY GOD, I think I cried gallons of tears yesterday, for no reason, other than my brain wanted to bring up all this family drama and shit that happened in the past, beat me over the head with it, drag me around a little bit, spit on me in the face, maybe poke me in the ribs a few times with it and make me cry. I don't know how it started, but it ended with a VERY public rant on this lovely website that ended in lots of feelings being shared from all angles and one of the most viewed blog posts ever in this website. (If you didn't think I was following who read what, you are wrong. I know how many read this website...per post...and where they live. Yes, I know, kinda creepy, but you know a girl is curious)
But it always gets better. Once I got it all out, I talked it all out with several awesome people in my life and spent some time getting past it; I am MUCH better today and I totally just p'wned my French exam.
And as I was walking out of that 5th floor classroom to go home, I realized that I'm almost done. I have one exam online to do and a paper to fix and print out...I don't even have to write it, it's mostly written. I can do this, I can finish the semester and get it done with.
Onto the future:
- Recently I've been looking into graduate programs. I think there may be one in lovely Chicago that I want to apply to (as well as the 2 schools in the whole state of Michigan that offer the same program...lame.) But it means I need to take the GRE (BLARGH!) which means I need to get practice books and get going on this STAT. (So if there is anyone out there who wants to save me the cost and buy me study books for Christmas, I would probably shower you with so much appreciation that you'll get annoyed...but it means I love you forever).
- This Friday is my Christmas party. I decided, get all my friends together, have some drinks, laugh, enjoy, eat some amazing food. Sound familiar? Well...it kinda happened for my birthday but WHO CARES! Who even needs a reason to party? I don't, but I at least made it legit sounding (it's called Fuckin' Awesome Christmas Party...why? Because I felt like swearing, I felt like it was fitting, and well...it's going to be amazing.) I have a 13 lb turkey I am going to attempt to cook on the stove (I found recipes), I made homemade cranberry sauce the other day with fresh cranberries (I'll put the recipe below as I made it up and it's GENIUS!) and food is going to happen. Can't wait, I need some fun after the past bit of life.
- BREAK IS ALMOST HERE! Which means, NO HOMEWORK, NO CLASSES, NO GETTING UP UNLESS I AM WORKING, and FRIEND TIME. I need this badly. Actually I just need sleep badly, sleep and some fun times. I'm so ready for this to be reality.
- France is not going to happen...poo...but I don't know. Maybe eventually, down the road and around a corner, I'll end up there and get to spend some time with that culture. I need to, it's on the bucket list to say the least.
- and in my near future: SLEEP! I stayed up til 4 am talking to Tanisha, and well, I had to get up at 10 for my exam. I'm tired.
It's not fun living in the past anyway. So to move forward from the day that my mind decided it was going to live in the past, I am thinking in the future. The past is over, there is nothing we can do to change it. But the future is at our biding, we can change it at every second. Each second we are given is a gift, you just have to see that. No hard feelings for yesterday?
Music for Today:
1. Who's They- Daughtry
2. Someone Like You/Rumor Has It- Glee
3. I Want You- Kings of Leon
4. Drumming Song- Florence And The Machine
5. Everything But Me- Daughtry
6. Lovesong- Adele
7. Our Swords- Band of Horses
8. Some Trust- The Fray
9. Lovers in Japan- Coldplay