Saturday, December 31, 2011

7 Years...

Dear Mom,

Every year, without fail, this day arrives with some pain. And every year, there has been struggles and triumphs that I wonder what would have happen if you were here with me to hold me and to celebrate with me.

I do miss you mom, so much. But I have come to the point in my life that I know I carry you with me everywhere I go, and that is enough to not make your loss something that holds me back from living life. I live it for you, with you here in my heart.

This year has been tough. Secrets have come out about family members I didn't expect. Lots of tears were shed, a new grief was given to me. But you know what, I made it through and at the end of the year, I can sit here and write you the yearly letter as I look back. We all have trials and tribulations and though in earlier years I didn't see the hope...this year I do. See, I can see the end of another chapter. College graduation is in a year and a half. I can finally start to see what I want to do with the rest of my life. I see happiness and I see hope. It's been a long time. I know I will make you proud, I see the ability to finally.

And it feels amazing. Remember I promised you that I would graduate. Well, I'm getting there mom. I truly am. And I plan on going on and becoming a Doctor. Yes, I am going to be Dr. Moore. Isn't that awesome? It really has an amazing ring to it!

And I know that you want me to be happy, and I'm getting there. Now I KNOW you have been trying to give me those signs I so beg for. And I think you tried so hard, and it took both Kevin and I some time to figure out those signs. You sent Kevin into my life at one of those times where I was hurting very, very bad. And he is my best friend. I am so happy that we are now together. I know that you had something to do with that, you're so devious. But thank you. You kept me from killing a million people because I was so angry, sad and lonely. You gave me someone to love when I had lost so much love in my life. He's my best friend, he knows my life, he knows my troubles, he knows the baggage that I carry and the scars that I have. But he's not afraid of that. This may be one of the best gifts you have ever given me.

And even if it doesn't work out in the end, it's okay because for now, I am happy. Thank you.



P.S. This is my song for you this year. Before it has been so depressing, but this song really talks about the journey I have been through to get here. And yes, I will see you again, just a long time from now.

Hello I'm in Delaware
City And Colour/Dallas Green

So there goes my life
Passing by with every exit sign
It's been so long
Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong
No sleep tonight
I'll keep on driving these dark highway lines
And as the moon fades
One more night gone, only twenty more days

But I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now

And there goes my life
Passing by with every departing flight
And its been so hard
So much time so far apart
And she walks the night
How many hearts will die tonight
And will things have changed
I guess I'll find out in seventeen days

But I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now

My body aches, 
and it hurts to sing, 
and no one is moving
And I wish that I weren't here tonight, 
but this is my life

And I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now

And I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now

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