6 Years...

Six years. It doesn't seem that long since the moment you left me here on this Earth. I was talking to Tanisha the other day and I realized that it had been six years and I couldn't believe it.

There are moments when it seems like such a long time ago, but then there are other times that it feels as if it was yesterday.

A loss of a friend is one kind of pain. The loss of a distant relative is a different kind of pain. But it's the loss of a mother that leaves one with a kind of pain that may feel better at one time, but then sear the next. It's a pain that never seems to go away, it just isn't as bad at some times than it is at others.

And I really felt it this Christmas. This was the first Christmas that I didn't get to spend with my brother and it just felt so weird. Everything about this Christmas felt so wrong for once.

I started out at Molly's house. I started out there, in their humble home where they showed me so much love that morning. But it wasn't until my drive up to Mary's Grandma and Grandpa's house, that I felt the pain that hadn't been there for some Christmases. I was listening to 103.1 FM, our local oldies station because I couldn't stand (and haven't been able to for awhile) the Christmas music that was playing on every other station. I get half way to my destination and "Free Bird" came on the radio, and for the first time in a while, I realized how much I missed my mother. And I shed a few tears. I felt that pain that was there. I let those tears fall down my cheeks slowly and I just listened.

It was that moment that I was reminded that my mother was with me every step of the way.


And it was a rather somber Christmas. Grandma's Alzheimer's is so bad that she hardly even knows her own name and grandpa is not doing well either. I could tell that there aren't going to be many Christmases with either of them, if there are any more. That makes me sad.


So mom, as you reminded me on Christmas Day, thank you for everything you still do for me. Thank you for giving me everything you did when you were alive. Thank you for help shaping me into the person I want to be.


Six years...


And there will be many more. Many, many more. And there will be more events in my life that you won't be here in Earth to share with me. But I know you will always be there with me.


I wrote this before this time so I could have it published at the time you passed away. I hope that you feel my love because I do love you a lot. I miss you and I always will, but you will always be my momma, nothing will ever change that.


Lots of love...


Amelia

In Loving Memory of Catherine Lee Moore (Proulx)

2/27/57-12/31/04