A Rant About Not Understanding

I guess I don't understand why all this had to happen.


I guess I don't understand why my heart still holds on.


But here I am, holding on to a thread of love that will never be returned by you again. You are dead, but I still want you here with me.


I don't understand why one day you were here, and then the next you had to be gone.


"Just like a crow chasing a butterfly, dandelion's lost in a summer sky. And you and I were getting high as outer space, I never thought you would slip away. I guess I was just a little too late."


I guess I don't understand why I loved you so much in the first place. I knew you were dying, why did I put so much into a relationship with you. I guess I don't understand why my heart chose to love you when I usually spend so much time protecting my heart from pain.


The kind of pain I am still at a year and a half later.


I guess I don't understand why my heart thought it was a grand time to make the jump into falling deeply in love with you.


I guess I don't understand why I always seem to be the one going through pain. I guess I don't understand why I'm always the one in need of support. I guess I don't understand why I was made the fighter. I guess I don't understand why God had to give me the chance to show all my courage.


I guess I don't understand why I was made a superwoman by some.


I'm just Amelia. I just want to be a normal person who doesn't have to fight for everything.


I guess I don't understand the gift that I have been given. I know it is a gift, not one that anyone would want, but a gift nonetheless. A gift that I learn, a keep learning. I guess I don't understand why it is always me.


I guess I don't understand why I feel so alone when I am not alone. I guess I don't understand why my happiness had to be torn from me a year and a half ago.


I guess I won't understand these questions for a long time...but for now, I will keep going on my path to continue to be the person I am, and keep fighting til the end.


"Where were you when everything was falling apart? All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang and all I needed was a call that never came to the corner of 1st and Amistad. Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late, you found me, you found me."

Boston- Augustana
Second Chance- Shinedown
You Found Me- The Fray