Sunday, January 23, 2011

I Hate This...


Why won't they fade away. There are moments at night when I wake up and I still believe you are here. That I'm going to climb out of bed, and there you'll face will be, smiling at me.

I remember running away with you. Going to a place far from friends, far from family, far from anyone I knew...but you. And life was just so carefree at that time. I didn't care what was going on. We didn't care. I hadn't been that happy in such a long time.

I remember that one night, just running through the streets, so in love. The rain was coming down, I was just so happy. I didn't care that I was getting soaked.

No one has loved me that much since.

And I miss that.

It makes me sad that you had to pass away.

Heartbreak is one of the most painful things. And it takes the longest to get over. It's been over a year now...and though it doesn't consume my life as much as it used to, there are nights like this where it doesn't feel real. There have been nights when I wake up and don't know where I am. I still think I'm in that apartment in Charter Oaks and you are sleeping an arms length away

But you are not. And it feels so much more real each time.

It hurts when someone thinks I should be over your loss. It's like a scab, it hardens over for a long time, then someone says it and the scab rips off. And I find myself crying.

I miss you still.

I want to move on, but it's hard to. I want to be that happy with someone else, but I can't seem to find that kind of love. I can't seem to find anyone.

Moments with her, now they're all a blur. Except for every second and every word, every drop of rain, every single grain of sand. The sidewalks, the streets were soaked. The sky was gray but you should've seen her face, shining like that lighthouse through all the rain. And the way she called my name. I've lived those seven days a thousand times, those seven days a thousand times.
Seven Days- Kenny Chesney


  1. It's incredibly difficult to heal after losing someone you love so dearly! Sorry for your loss.

    This is JustAddGlitter from Swap-Bot...

  2. What a heartbreaking loss. Don't listen to others telling you to get over it. Grief is a very personal process. Each person takes a different amount of time to heal enough (I say enough because it will never be complete until we meet Jesus in Heaven and he takes away all of our pain)to move on.

    Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
    Matthew 5:4

    FifthStreetMama Swap-Bot

  3. So sorry for your loss,
    big hugs from Mexico...

    Jex fron swap-bot

  4. I'm very sorry you are going through this bad time. Keep strong and let the time lead you.
    I don't know if it helps but now I'm following you and I can't wait to read better news from you.
    Mad About Pink from SB

  5. I'm sorry for your lose. I wish you peace.
    amdewitt from swap bot